oh
I was talking on my phone to mom when I walked after school and I went past Jacques and his girlfriend without realizing (until after I had hung up). It was both hilarious and mortifying. I had to resist the urge to burst out laughing, though I haven't the faintest why that was funny to me. I laugh at all things...
he must have thought I was so weird. I speak to mom much differently than I speak in class, unsurprisingly, and I kind of forgot those differentiations on the phone; I get confused when my parents and school life are intercepted, because those are things I rarely associate [together]. So I ended up talking to her like I do at home, going "Okay, maaam" and the like. Oops.
Also, the hammock was swinging yesterday after I had closed the door and sat down, which was disconcerting.
Also, I smile more often alone than I do when I'm around people.
Also, my previously habitual oral twitches/bites have grown out of said state into....normality, how do I put this?. What I mean to say is now I do it involuntarily, briefly biting the sides and fronts of the insides of my mouth and such. The compulsive habits are...intensifying, but not necessarily worsening. It's harder to resist the urge now to trace certain shapes on my desk than it used to be, and the urges are becoming more frequent. I don't really know what this means. It doesn't bother me, though, for the time being. I can kind of sense the underlying intent behind this, and I'm ignoring it, hoping by the time all of this turns into a challenge to undo, I won't remember anymore... but for now, I know it's there, and it bugs me constantly and shames me.
hehh...
he must have thought I was so weird. I speak to mom much differently than I speak in class, unsurprisingly, and I kind of forgot those differentiations on the phone; I get confused when my parents and school life are intercepted, because those are things I rarely associate [together]. So I ended up talking to her like I do at home, going "Okay, maaam" and the like. Oops.
Also, the hammock was swinging yesterday after I had closed the door and sat down, which was disconcerting.
Also, I smile more often alone than I do when I'm around people.
Also, my previously habitual oral twitches/bites have grown out of said state into....normality, how do I put this?. What I mean to say is now I do it involuntarily, briefly biting the sides and fronts of the insides of my mouth and such. The compulsive habits are...intensifying, but not necessarily worsening. It's harder to resist the urge now to trace certain shapes on my desk than it used to be, and the urges are becoming more frequent. I don't really know what this means. It doesn't bother me, though, for the time being. I can kind of sense the underlying intent behind this, and I'm ignoring it, hoping by the time all of this turns into a challenge to undo, I won't remember anymore... but for now, I know it's there, and it bugs me constantly and shames me.
hehh...
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on Wednesday, December 3 at 4:56 PM.
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