Hem
What is wrong with me that I can't not be jealous of you sometimes even after I've completely detached myself from you and don't feel anything else towards you at all?
Eh, that's kinda a lie, I do sometimes feel okay towards you and other times I want to tear you to pieces, even though I crush those notions, or try, and insist to everyone who wonders, that I neither like nor dislike you.
>:|
and yeah, I get urges every so often to do something really mean and in-your-face, I mean I still have so much unsaid ranting to do about you (so many times I have almost started a long post here about everything I'm still furious at you for).........but I have been keeping it in for both of our sakes.
By the way, what was up with that letter you sent me. WHAT. Was it sarcasm? Are you actually okay with me now? Did your mom make you do it??????
I don't get it. And you addressed me like you used to, hoping that I'm doing okay, and even calling me by an old nickname.
Don't get it.
Anyway.
I've been fine. Okay. I got a haircut. I am really growing less fond of that stylist by the visit, though. She needs to not question what I ask her to do with my hair, and just DO IT. It's not for her to decide whether I'm "ready" to have short hair, and now, because of that coupled with my shyness and unwillingness to correct her, I'm stuck with a haircut that's ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and not really what I wanted and not really what I like...at..all.
:/
people say they like it, though. Everyone does. Haha, I don't. I don't even know what is going on with my hair. And I can't do anything with it, and it just looks...weird. I want to cut it again so bad but it's only been a few days. Next time, I'm just going to be like DEMI MOORE, GHOST, OKAY THANK YOU and then shut up the rest of the time.
So infuriating when I'm sitting there and she asks me 32 times "are you sure this is what you want?" "do you like it?" "yeah, does this look good to you?"
yeah, I guess she is trying to do her job, but you know I was hoping she would get the hint by my murmuring a kind of cold response to each of her little inquiries.
I guess I am in a bad mood today. Figures. I need to not use social networking sites anymore :|
I watched half of The Aviator again today. (((((:::
My New Year's was...surprisingly...very good. I'm not used to that. I went to Nicole's house and was surprised to find like 8 girls grouped in her small room talking loudly and madly. I was too overcome to really say anything of course, but after sitting with them a while and listening I grew more comfortable, and grew to like all of them. I feel really lucky, actually, to have spent my NYE with them, such a great group of people. They were all really hilarious and loving and accepting and nice and somehow simultaneously not annoying, a rarity. I barely talked but I really enjoyed myself. And I loved how everyone could laugh at inside jokes even if they didn't know what they were about, everyone was just that nice. Good good time.
Barfing every time I think about school and going back.
m'auuuuuuuughhhghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghhghghghghhgGHGHGHG. Next year, though, I am going to OPIS, like Heather--WHAT A RELIEF. If it weren't for my parents, I would drop out of TO right now and start the program. Oh well. 5 months. I can last through that, I'm hopin.
I've drank a lot of tea lately. All kinds.
And I've been listening to music nearly 24/7. Nowadays, it is mostly just Sigur Ros, Explosions in the Sky, and Mogwai, but that's not to say I don't have anything new, because I've been discovering and...bringing into my collection...new music by the day. Lots. Up to 1280 now, a measly number for some, but very big for me.
I really like Sigur Ros. I like how some of their icelandic/hopelandic lyrics sound like certain things in english, like "tjú," repeated a lot in Svefn-G-Englar, sounds like "It's you." And then in Illgressi, "ferð á fætur" (translates to "get up and dress"..erm) sounds to me like "I long for you dear." Maybe that's just me. But there's no doubt that all of this is open to translation.
Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Large minds discuss ideas.
I feel small-minded. Normally (I hope), I'd be above posting people things in here for a purpose other than recording something that's happened to me, but some things have just been on my mind and I wanted to get them down somewhere. Next time I will have better things to write.
On Sunday I'm going hiking with Katy and Heather. Excited. I went hiking on New Year's Eve too, and I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was, and it was really fun. Especially with an ipod. Sigur Ros makes me think of Jack.
And then the 26th is my birthday, dunno about that yet. 16! So many things. 3 since two specifically,...so weird to contemplate. I really wish we could do what I want most, which is take the two I mentioned above to Yosemite for a weekend with my family, but that has too many drawbacks, and we'll probably end up staying at home. Well we'll do something fun. Maybe I can finally finish my room. I'm crossing my fingers.
Maybe we can just go camping or something. I'd like to do something outdoors. It's a shame that my rock climbing party didn't go through well, except for with Natalie. I miss that place, Boulderdash, and its people. I don't have an explanation for why I didn't do team. ):
Maybe this summer I will go back and give it another go.
I have to learn to drive.
And get a job.
Not sure what's holding me back. I can certainly do it this minute, if I want to.
I was going to talk to Wyatt, start a conversation, but my one with Jack quenched my thirst for discussions, at least for now. Such a good talk. I don't think I've redeemed myself completely in his eyes yet for the first one...shiver to think about it...but maybe, I've improved.
Wyatt is another thing though. He is interesting. I didn't know.
Just rambling now........I suppose I will write again later. Happy new year!
Eh, that's kinda a lie, I do sometimes feel okay towards you and other times I want to tear you to pieces, even though I crush those notions, or try, and insist to everyone who wonders, that I neither like nor dislike you.
>:|
and yeah, I get urges every so often to do something really mean and in-your-face, I mean I still have so much unsaid ranting to do about you (so many times I have almost started a long post here about everything I'm still furious at you for).........but I have been keeping it in for both of our sakes.
By the way, what was up with that letter you sent me. WHAT. Was it sarcasm? Are you actually okay with me now? Did your mom make you do it??????
I don't get it. And you addressed me like you used to, hoping that I'm doing okay, and even calling me by an old nickname.
Don't get it.
Anyway.
I've been fine. Okay. I got a haircut. I am really growing less fond of that stylist by the visit, though. She needs to not question what I ask her to do with my hair, and just DO IT. It's not for her to decide whether I'm "ready" to have short hair, and now, because of that coupled with my shyness and unwillingness to correct her, I'm stuck with a haircut that's ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and not really what I wanted and not really what I like...at..all.
:/
people say they like it, though. Everyone does. Haha, I don't. I don't even know what is going on with my hair. And I can't do anything with it, and it just looks...weird. I want to cut it again so bad but it's only been a few days. Next time, I'm just going to be like DEMI MOORE, GHOST, OKAY THANK YOU and then shut up the rest of the time.
So infuriating when I'm sitting there and she asks me 32 times "are you sure this is what you want?" "do you like it?" "yeah, does this look good to you?"
yeah, I guess she is trying to do her job, but you know I was hoping she would get the hint by my murmuring a kind of cold response to each of her little inquiries.
I guess I am in a bad mood today. Figures. I need to not use social networking sites anymore :|
I watched half of The Aviator again today. (((((:::
My New Year's was...surprisingly...very good. I'm not used to that. I went to Nicole's house and was surprised to find like 8 girls grouped in her small room talking loudly and madly. I was too overcome to really say anything of course, but after sitting with them a while and listening I grew more comfortable, and grew to like all of them. I feel really lucky, actually, to have spent my NYE with them, such a great group of people. They were all really hilarious and loving and accepting and nice and somehow simultaneously not annoying, a rarity. I barely talked but I really enjoyed myself. And I loved how everyone could laugh at inside jokes even if they didn't know what they were about, everyone was just that nice. Good good time.
Barfing every time I think about school and going back.
m'auuuuuuuughhhghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghhghghghghhgGHGHGHG. Next year, though, I am going to OPIS, like Heather--WHAT A RELIEF. If it weren't for my parents, I would drop out of TO right now and start the program. Oh well. 5 months. I can last through that, I'm hopin.
I've drank a lot of tea lately. All kinds.
And I've been listening to music nearly 24/7. Nowadays, it is mostly just Sigur Ros, Explosions in the Sky, and Mogwai, but that's not to say I don't have anything new, because I've been discovering and...bringing into my collection...new music by the day. Lots. Up to 1280 now, a measly number for some, but very big for me.
I really like Sigur Ros. I like how some of their icelandic/hopelandic lyrics sound like certain things in english, like "tjú," repeated a lot in Svefn-G-Englar, sounds like "It's you." And then in Illgressi, "ferð á fætur" (translates to "get up and dress"..erm) sounds to me like "I long for you dear." Maybe that's just me. But there's no doubt that all of this is open to translation.
Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Large minds discuss ideas.
I feel small-minded. Normally (I hope), I'd be above posting people things in here for a purpose other than recording something that's happened to me, but some things have just been on my mind and I wanted to get them down somewhere. Next time I will have better things to write.
On Sunday I'm going hiking with Katy and Heather. Excited. I went hiking on New Year's Eve too, and I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was, and it was really fun. Especially with an ipod. Sigur Ros makes me think of Jack.
And then the 26th is my birthday, dunno about that yet. 16! So many things. 3 since two specifically,...so weird to contemplate. I really wish we could do what I want most, which is take the two I mentioned above to Yosemite for a weekend with my family, but that has too many drawbacks, and we'll probably end up staying at home. Well we'll do something fun. Maybe I can finally finish my room. I'm crossing my fingers.
Maybe we can just go camping or something. I'd like to do something outdoors. It's a shame that my rock climbing party didn't go through well, except for with Natalie. I miss that place, Boulderdash, and its people. I don't have an explanation for why I didn't do team. ):
Maybe this summer I will go back and give it another go.
I have to learn to drive.
And get a job.
Not sure what's holding me back. I can certainly do it this minute, if I want to.
I was going to talk to Wyatt, start a conversation, but my one with Jack quenched my thirst for discussions, at least for now. Such a good talk. I don't think I've redeemed myself completely in his eyes yet for the first one...shiver to think about it...but maybe, I've improved.
Wyatt is another thing though. He is interesting. I didn't know.
Just rambling now........I suppose I will write again later. Happy new year!
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